


Peter Parker and the Date From Hell

by GinnyRose



Series: Peter Parker: Disaster Bi Extraordinaire [11]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: BAMF Tony Stark, Boys Kissing, Chitari Weapons, Crime Fighting, Dating, Flirting, Flowers, Fluff, Identity Reveal, Instagram, Let Peter Say Fuck, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Sex, No one gets hurt, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Parker Luck, Pet Names, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter can't catch a break, Public Kissing, Some Cursing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, getting caught, ned is a little shit, only in conversation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-07-27 01:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20037700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyRose/pseuds/GinnyRose
Summary: “Do you think I did something awful in a past life?” Peter whispered, not taking his eyes off the Avengers as a server walked up to greet the group. The young man was someone Peter didn’t recognize but he still sympathized with the nervous look on his face. The last time Peter had been remotely close to that many Avengers, they had been doing their best to punch each other into submission.“What?”Peter looked back to Ned briefly. “The Universe hates me, Ned. I had to have done something. Something really bad, like killed a bunch of people. Or ate kids.”Or: Peter just wanted to have a nice day out with his boyfriend to celebrate their freedom after a month of grounding, starting with a nice, romantic brunch at their favorite cafe. Too bad the Universe had a different idea.





	1. Chapter 1

Peter was practically vibrating with excitement. May was watching him, her lips pressed to hide a smile, his cellphone held tightly in her hand. It had officially been a month since his and Ned’s grounding which meant their punishment was being lifted. They had already planned how they were going to celebrate while at school over the past week and all that was left between Peter and sweet, sweet freedom was getting through this final talk with May. He didn’t expect much – he had already received all the talks under the sun, ranging from discussions on honesty to safe sexual practices – and so he continued smiling hopefully at her.

“You going to be home by dinner tonight, yes?” She asked him, not for the first time that morning.

“Yes, May. And I’ll text you if something comes up.” Peter told her, not for the first time either.

“And you’ll behave, right? No running into criminals or heroes-turned-war-criminals-turned heroes?” Peter had caved and told his aunt about his run-in with the good Captain and Ms. Romanov at the Compound and he had regretted it ever since. Still, with his cellphone and freedom in sight, he kept his mouth shut as his aunt continued. “And you and Ned are only going where you said you would be? And you’ll tell me if the plans change, unless it’s to home or somewhere close by?”

“Yes, May! I promise nothing is going to happen but a nice day out with Ned!” Peter told her, trying hard to keep any hint of his impatient excitement out of his tone. May’s lips twitched but she still didn’t hold out the phone to him.

“And if you and Ned decide to do _anything_ on this date, you’ll be safe?” Peter’s face flamed up.

“We’re going to be in _public_, May!”

“And I’m going to be at work, which means the apartment will be empty. I just want to cover all the bases.” May responded calmly, in that no-nonsense tone she had adopted since she had begun giving Peter mini versions of the Talk.

“Fine, fine. Yes. I promise if we end up… going there, we’ll be safe.” Peter finally gave in, his cheeks on fire. May full-on smiled then and finally held out Peter’s phone.

“Then I officially dub you ‘ungrounded.’” She made a show of tapping both of Peter’s shoulders with his phone before offering it to him. Peter’s embarrassment ceded some to a wave of renewed excitement as he snatched the phone from her hand. “You and Ned have a fun time, okay?” May added, her smile turning small and fond.

“We will, thanks May!” He gave her a quick hug before turning to head for the apartment door.

“Larb you!” She called out to him.

“Larb you too, May!” He responded without turning around, already in the process of opening the door that led to his freedom. The door had barely closed by the time he had raced down the hall and towards the stairs that would lead him to his freedom. He couldn’t help but let out a little “whoop!” as he took the stairs two at a time.

Peter had, of course, not been confined to the apartment in the past month by any means. But his excursions had consisted of to and from school, the terrifying field trip to the Compound, and highly constricted and heavily monitored patrols in his suit. This was the first time he was free to do as he pleased in an entire month and the mid-morning air, heavy with the sickly-sweet smell of trash and air pollution, was sweet to him as he took in deep, gratifying breaths.

He pulled his phone out as he stood on the corner in front of his apartment building and immediately dialed Ned’s number. It felt good to use his phone again – May had let him take it to and from school, in case anything came up, but he hadn’t been allowed to use it apart from that. It was really nice to be able to call someone that wasn’t his aunt, Happy, or Mr. Stark for the first time in a month.

Ned answered on the second ring. “Hey!” Peter exclaimed, excitement and relief obvious in his tone. Ned having his phone meant that he had also passed his final test with Mrs. Leeds and was officially ungrounded. There had been little likelihood of it not happening, but it was relieving to know for sure that they were both off the hook. “I just got done talking to May and I’m officially free. I’m about to head over to yours.” 

“No need!” Ned responded, his voice bubbly with his own excitement. Peter’s face scrunched slightly in confusion – although Ned was almost always ready before Peter, mainly because Peter was absolutely awful with time management, and they generally met at Peter’s apartment, they had decided to meet by Ned’s this time because it was closer to all the places they wanted to hit for their date/first day of freedom. He didn’t know why Ned had deviated from the plan. “Look behind you!”

“That’s super creepy, Ned.” Peter told him, but obediently turned to look. He nearly dropped his phone in surprise when he caught sight of his boyfriend coming down the street, grinning ear to ear and holding a bouquet out so that Peter could see them.

“Happy Freedom Day, babe!” Ned called out, his voice reverberating from the phone and himself. Peter’s surprise faded and he smiled widely, uncaring of the people walking past him, as he broke into a run to meet Ned. Ned laughed as Peter nearly crashed into him in his effort to hug him, holding his arm out straight so they wouldn’t crush the delicate flowers.

“Ned! You got me flowers?” Peter exclaimed as he pulled away and Ned’s grin grew as he thrust the bundle of flowers at Peter. It was a simple bouquet of sunflowers and daisies but Peter absolutely _loved_ it. Sunflowers were his favorite and the way the bright color was accented by the soft white of the daisies was absolutely stunning. The fact that Ned had gone out of his way to get them for him sent a rush of warm affection throughout his entire body. “But I didn’t get you anything!” He said as his fingers reached out to brush against the soft petals of the largest sunflower.

“I’ve got you; I don’t need anything else!” Ned replied easily, his eyes twinkling with mischievous as Peter blushed. Peter could feel the curious stares of people as they passed by the two teenagers and he took a half step back, swatting lightly at Ned’s shoulder even as he carefully took hold of the offered flowers.

“That was cheesy. Even for you.” He told him as he brought the flowers up to his face. They smelled absolutely wonderful, a sweet, delicate contrast to the city smells around him. “Take a picture with me.” Ned just laughed at Peter’s demanding tone but obediently moved so that he was next to Peter. Peter dipped his head slightly so that he was nearly cheek to cheek to Ned and pulled the bouquet up high enough that it was almost obscuring the bottom part of Ned’s face. He held his phone out with his free hand, waited until Ned was smiling at it, then turned his face at the last moment to press a kiss against Ned’s cheek. Peter clicked to take the picture with his lips still firmly pressed against Ned’s cheek, smiling slightly as he felt Ned’s mouth drop open in surprise.

“Perfect!” Peter beamed as he stepped away so that he wasn’t pressed up against his boyfriend. People were muttering as they passed now and shooting dirty looks as they stood in the middle of the path, but Peter paid them no mind. They would be on their way soon enough. He pulled the photo up on his phone and smiled happily as Ned peered over his shoulder to look at it.

“We cute.” Ned told him approvingly and Peter beamed at him as he locked his phone and slid it back into his pocket.

“It’s the perfect photo to post today.” Peter told him, already planning the caption. Ned laughed as he took Peter’s hand.

“MJ’s going to hate it. She told me it’s been peaceful not to see a bunch of mushy stuff on our stories.”

“She’s had a month off.” Peter retorted, entirely unsympathetic. He was, for once, entirely too happy to let others take him down. Especially because he knew MJ was going to like the photo, even if she would never admit it. “Besides, she’s still been taking pictures of us for the yearbook so she can deal with a few on Instagram.”

“A few?” Ned asked, voice teasing. They both knew all too well that Peter was absolutely going to spam Instagram with photos of their date. And have extras for Ned to post to his. Peter lightly bumped his shoulder into Ned’s. He looked back down at the flowers as they began walking, wondering if he should post one that was just the bouquet.

“Hey,” he said, realizing something as he looked at the delicate flowers. “Are these going to be okay out of water all day?” Peter hated the idea of the flowers Ned got for him wilting away as they went on their freedom date.

“Don’t worry about it. The flower shop gave me a little plastic vase for them and I already stopped at the café and Marie agreed to put it on our table for us,” Ned responded, his voice carefully casual as Peter’s eyes shot up to him.

“You didn’t!” Ned just laughed in response. “Marie was cool with that?” Marie was the owner of the Nook and Cranny, their all-time favorite breakfast spot. Ned and MJ had taken to going there on the weekends that Peter had been upstate for his internship and although Ned had not been able to go in over a month, Marie had a definite soft spot for him. Peter really shouldn’t have been too surprised that she had readily agreed to placing the vase on the table for them, but the amount of effort Ned had gone to for such a sweet gesture really was almost overwhelming.

“Yeah, man. You know she loves me. Plus, this is the first time we’re going to the Nook as a couple and she said she wanted to spoil us rotten.” Peter couldn’t help but smile at the off-handed way Ned explained away the work he had put in to surprise him. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to not smile the entire day and he couldn’t find any reason to mind that.

It was a short walk to the Nook and Cranny and it went by in a burst of cheerful chatting. Peter and Ned were both laughing as they stepped inside. The Nook and Cranny was a small, cozy café that had bookshelves lined against the walls and a gently worn aesthetic. It smelled like freshly ground coffee beans and warm pancakes – a literal heaven on earth to Peter whose stomach audibly growled as he took in the smells. The café was already quite busy but it still didn’t take long for a woman, already carrying two menus, to come to the front to greet them.

“Ned!” Marie greeted, smiling widely. “And Peter!” She added, “I thought you’d died!” It had been several months since he’d last visited the Nook and he knew that he would be subjected to Marie’s casual teasing. “I got a table already set up for you two. It’s towards the back so it’s private and away from this riffraff.” She turned as she spoke, expecting the two boys to follow her, and gestured in the general direction of the other customers. If anyone had overheard her words, no one batted an eye. Anyone coming to the Nook was most likely a local, accustomed to the brusque but friendly nature Marie cultivated for her shop. She treated everyone like family, which meant she didn’t bother with professional politeness but still greeted everyone with a smile. It’s what had endeared even MJ to the restaurant – that and the fact that tourists rarely stumbled into the place. The food being absolutely delicious certainly helped as well.

“Been a month since I’ve seen you, hon.” Marie spoke to Ned as she led the boys through the main seating area and towards a table tucked into a corner lined with bookshelves filled with old books. A small, clear vase already filled with water sat in the center of the table, already waiting for the flowers in Peter’s hands. “And even longer since you’ve showed up,” she added, placing the menus down and turning to gesture at Peter to hand him his bouquet. “School kicking up or something?” She asked as she gently set the flowers into the vase, arranging their stems so that the largest, brightest of the sunflowers were centered.

“Something like that,” Ned responded as he and Peter both sat in their seats. “Got into a bit of trouble.” He added, shooting Peter a small, mischievous smile. Over the last month, Ned’s mortification had faded somewhat but Peter’s definitely hadn’t and Ned absolutely loved lightly teasing him about it now.

“Ah yes, Michelle said something about that.” There was a twinkle in Marie’s eye as she spoke that had Peter flushing lightly, but the woman mercifully didn’t push the issue. “I also heard something else about you two?” Peter breathed a little easier even at the teasingly knowing tone in Marie’s voice. This was a safer topic. He smiled fondly at Ned over the bouquet of flowers Marie had arranged in the center of the table and Ned returned it. That seemed to be all the answer Marie needed as she clapped her hands together happily. “About time, boys!” She crooned. “I was wondering when that would happen.” She added, smiling widely. “I’ll bring you some drinks to celebrate. On the house.”

“Oh, there’s no need!” Peter responded immediately, looking up at the woman with wide eyes. She just winked in response.

“I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since you two first came in by yourselves. I’m going to spoil you rotten and you’re not going to argue about it. Besides, I expect you to tell me the whole story before you leave so you can consider that payment enough.” There was a no-nonsense tone in her voice that Peter knew not to argue with so he settled for thanking her profusely. She brushed his thanks off with a smile and turned to make her way back into the kitchen to get the promised drinks.

“She’s too nice,” Peter said, turning back to Ned who had already opened his menu. Ned raised an eyebrow at him.

“Too nice? Coming from _you_?” Ned sounded amused even as Peter scrunched his face at him.

“She’s giving us free stuff! I don’t do that!”

“No, you just swing around the city at night protecting people.” He retorted, voice a little too loud for Peter’s comfort.

“Dude!” He hissed, glancing over his shoulder to see if anyone in the main room was looking at them. He really didn’t need anyone overhearing that he was Spider-Man on his literal first day of freedom. “Not so loud! And it’s _so_ not the same!”

“Don’t you get free stuff on your patrols, anyway?” Ned continued, undaunted in his teasing.

“I mean, yeah. But that’s different. That’s people wanting to thank Spider-Man not just… giving me stuff.” Peter was careful to pitch his voice low enough that only Ned could hear him as he spoke, frowning slightly at his boyfriend. It wasn’t that Peter was unfamiliar with people doing nice things for him but it made him feel uncomfortable to just be given things he hadn’t done anything for.

“Sometimes people want to do nice things, Peter.” Ned told him, setting his menu down to give his full attention to Peter. “That’s why we’re going to add in the cost of the drinks to her tip.” He spoke far too casually and Peter’s eyes narrowed in immediate suspicion.

“You were already going to do that, weren’t you? Peter accused. Ned smiled sweetly at him and picked up his menu again.

“We should pick out what we want before Marie gets back. You know how she gets with slow customers,” he said, easily and obviously changing the subject. Peter obediently picked up his menu but was still unwilling to let the conversation drop.

“You’re ridiculous,” he shot at his boyfriend over the menu, voice fond despite his words. Ned could have just told Peter his plan from the beginning, but the other boy evidently couldn’t let an opportunity to tease Peter go.

“I’m thinking an omelet,” Ned said in response, a little louder than necessary, and shot a teasing grin over his menu at Peter. Peter made a show of rolling his eyes in response even as he fought down a flush.

“Are you ever going to let that go?” He asked. Ned’s grin grew.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, babe. I just really like omelets,” Ned’s tone was deceptively innocent as he folded his menu closed and set it back down. “It won’t be as good as yours, of course. But it’ll still be good.” Peter had expected it but he still blushed lightly at the reminder.

“I’m _never_ cooking for you again.” He grumbled, pulling his menu up higher so Ned couldn’t see his pink cheeks. It wasn’t much of a threat, he knew, but it was all he could think of at the moment. Judging from Ned’s laugh, it didn’t have any effect on the other boy. Peter was just about to grumble some more at him when Marie came back with their drinks.

“Here you go boys,” she said cheerfully, the glasses lightly tinkling as she set them on the table. “Strawberry melon for Ned, blueberry lemonade for Peter.”

“Thank you,” Ned said, all trace of teasing in his tone replaced by polite gratitude. Peter kind of wanted to kick him under the table for his ability to switch so easily when Peter’s own cheeks were still flushed.

“No problem! You both ready to order?” Marie responded easily, already moving to pull out a little notebook from her pocket. Ned looked at Peter questioningly and Peter immediately ducked his gaze down to find the first dish to catch his eye. He hated to make any server come back just because he hadn’t picked something out and he especially felt guilty when he did it to people he knew well. “Need a few more minutes?” Marie asked and Peter immediately shook his head.

“No, no! I think we’re ready!” Peter responded, still looking down at the menu. “I’ll have the white chocolate berry pancakes,” he read off the first dish he saw. It was a brand-new item and he was just glad it at least sounded good. “Please,” he added, closing his menu and handing it to Marie, trying hard not to make it obvious that he hadn’t been ready.

“I’d like the ham and cheddar omelet. With jalapenos, please.” Ned ordered, shooting a knowing smile at Peter as he passed his menu over to Marie.

“Coming right up!” Marie said before turning and disappearing back into the crowd. Peter turned to Ned the moment she was gone.

“You’re the worst.” He said, but there was little bite in his tone. “How do even do that?”

“Do what?” Ned asked as he reached out to grab his drink. It was a shockingly bright pink color and Peter knew from experience that it was far sweeter than just about anything else Ned ever drank. The other boy seemed unfazed by that, however, as he took a long drink.

“Go from teasing me to completely normal in front of others.” Peter elaborated, carefully avoiding looking at Ned’s mouth as the boy took another drink. Peter had forgotten how distracting Ned could be without the fear of further grounding keeping them on their best behavior.

“I don’t know,” Ned answered honestly, finally setting his drink back down and allowing Peter the ability to concentrate a bit more. “I guess it’s because I only really want to tease you, so it’s easy to turn it off around other people.”

Peter didn’t think that was the whole answer and he noticed that Ned was rather carefully avoiding Peter’s gaze as he spoke. “You tease MJ,” Peter was surprised to see Ned look a little flustered as he continued to prod. “And you don’t stop with her just because others show up.” He continued. The more he spoke the more he realized that Ned had recently taken to teasing him only when they were alone – or more or less alone, as the past month had made being truly alone practically impossible. He still mocked him good-naturedly at school, just as much as Peter did him, but full-on teasing him – especially with relationship things – only happened when others weren’t around. “Why am I different?”

“I like seeing you flustered.” Whatever Peter had been expecting, _that_ was not the answer. 

“_What_?” Peter would have thought the other boy was just messing with him again but Ned looked absolutely flustered by his admission and it was honestly adorable. Peter was rarely on this side of things and he could inwardly admit that he could see the appeal. But that didn’t mean he would be letting his boyfriend off the hook.

“You’re very cute when you blush and I like being the one that makes you do that.” Ned whispered, looking around to make sure that no one was coming up to their table. Peter felt his face heat up even as he grinned, leaning closer to Ned to continue the conversation quietly. “Are you gonna make this a thing?” Ned asked, correctly reading the expression on Peter’s face. Peter’s smile grew.

“Oh, I’m absolutely going to make this a thing! How did I not notice this? Is it like a –“ Peter’s voice dropped to barely a whisper and his cheeks flamed –“_kink_?” Ned’s reaction to the word was instantaneous. His eyes widened and he shifted his gaze, his cheeks darkening as he moved slightly in his chair. It was definitely worth Peter’s own flustered feelings. “It _is_!” Peter was absolutely delighted at this turn of events.

“You are _so_ not allowed to kink-shame me!” Ned whispered back, still avoiding making eye contact. Peter didn’t even think before responding, the word automatically on the tip of his tongue. They had both seen the vine and there was only one appropriate response, anyway.

“Kink-shaming _is_ my kink.” His cheeks were definitely warm as he said it, but it was completely worth his own slight embarrassment to see Ned get further flustered. Peter could definitely why Ned enjoyed doing this. His boyfriend looked positively adorable as he shifted across the table from Peter, purposely not meeting Peter’s gaze.

“Oh my _God_.” Ned said, a sudden undercurrent of panic in his voice. Peter immediately worried that he had gone too far and made Ned uncomfortable but before he could say anything Ned was pointing over Peter’s shoulder, at something happening in the main section of the dining room. “Is that Captain America?” Peter turned immediately, hoping beyond hope that some other ridiculously large, blond man had shown up in the restaurant. There was no way, absolutely _no_ way, that Brooklyn-born and upstate New York living Captain Steven Rogers was going to eat at a hole-in-the-wall Queens restaurant.

Except, apparently, he was. Because there was no mistaking that blonde-haired giant of a man standing at the front of the restaurant and waiting to be seated as anyone else but the good Captain himself. And, just because the Universe truly had it out for one Peter Benjamin Parker, he was not alone. Ms. Romanov stood to the right of him, next to the hostess stand, and two men – one dark-skinned with short hair and another pale with long brown hair pulled into a messy bun – stood to his left. Peter knew Mr. Wilson and Sergeant Barnes by sight, although he had only seen them in person once before, and their appearance in the Nook did not make him any happier than Captain Rogers’ and Ms. Romanov’s did.

“Do you think I did something awful in a past life?” Peter whispered, not taking his eyes off the Avengers as a server walked up to greet the group. The young man was someone Peter didn’t recognize but he still sympathized with the nervous look on his face. The last time Peter had been remotely close to that many Avengers, they had been doing their best to punch each other into submission.

“What?”

Peter looked back to Ned briefly. “The Universe hates me, Ned. I had to have done something. Something really bad, like killed a bunch of people. Or ate kids.”

“_What_? I don’t think you ate _kids_, Peter. In any life. Did _anyone_ actually do that?” Ned’s face scrunched up in an expression of confused disgust. Peter would have thought it cute, had he not been distracted by the unexpected arrival of the Avengers.

“Albert Fish did. MJ was talking about him the other day.” Peter responded absently, returning his gaze back to the group of heroes who were being seated in a center table by an increasingly star-struck server. He was close – really close – to outright freaking out but he knew that if he did, it would their attention to him and that was the last thing he wanted. Mr. Wilson and Sergeant Barnes wouldn’t recognize him as anyone important outside of the suit, but Ms. Romanov and Captain Rogers surely would. Peter had been at the Compound only once in the last month, discounting the field trip, and Mr. Stark had been incredibly careful to keep him out of the sight of the other residents. Peter was sure that at least Ms. Romanov would take advantage of the absence of his mentor to talk to Peter.

“Okay, well, he was a freak and we should probably have a talk with MJ about her serial killer obsession, it’s getting a bit creepy,” Ned replied, his voice a little higher than normal. Peter made a noncommittal sound in response, eyes still trained on the table with the Avengers. “But that’s super not important right now,” Ned continued, “because half the Avengers are here. At the Nook, during our date.” There was something in Ned’s voice, as though he was also on the verge of freaking out, that had Peter tearing his gaze away from the other heroes and back onto Ned. They could commiserate together, at least. “How did they even know about this place?” The Nook was a great restaurant, but it wasn’t one that random tourists tended to find their way into and it was on very few lists of places to try. Marie said she preferred it that way and it was always busy enough with locals that Peter didn’t think her decision was hurting her business any.

“I have no idea,” Peter sort of wanted to bury his head in his hands and hide away but he forced himself to sit up and continue talking to Ned. The other boy was looking anxious and Peter felt a wave of guilt. Ned’s heroes – people he had been looking up to since he had been old enough to understand what a hero was – had just walked into the restaurant he was in. He should have been freaking out in a good way and debating whether or not he should ask for their autograph. Had it been even two years ago, he and Peter would have been doing just that. But because of him and his secrets, Ned couldn’t even enjoy a once in a lifetime opportunity like half the Avengers walking into a hole-in-the-wall Queens restaurant. Sometimes having a secret identity really, truly sucked.

“Do you want to leave?” Ned asked, after the silence around them had gone on for several moments. “Marie would let us sneak out the back, no questions asked, if we need to.” Ned seemed incredibly sure about that and Peter stored that tidbit of information for a later day. There had to be a story there and he was pretty sure it involved MJ and one of their weekend excursions but he couldn’t concentrate on it at the moment. His guilt swelled within in as he took in Ned’s expression. He couldn’t do much to return Ned’s excitement about the Avengers, but he could at least ensure that having to avoid them didn’t ruin their date.

Peter took a deep, comforting breath and reached out to lightly place his hand over Ned’s. “It’s sweet that you are offering to sneak us out the back, but no. We came here to enjoy our first day of freedom and great food and I’m not letting that get ruined. If Captain Rogers or Ms. Romanov see us, we’ll deal with it then.” As far as Peter was concerned, the Universe could go turn someone else’s day into a mess – Peter was going to give Ned a good date even if it killed him.

Ned’s answering smile was bright, sweet and absolutely more than enough to get Peter’s mind off the other heroes. Peter gently squeezed Ned’s hand before pulling away. “Now, where did we leave off on the conversation?” He asked, a small grin on his lips. He took great pleasure in seeing Ned flush again.

“I believe it was somewhere along the lines of ‘I’m not afraid to embarrass the hell out of you if you don’t drop it.’” He told him and Peter laughed. “Actually I think we were about to start talking about why you like when I use petnames so much.” Ned added, a hint of a smile lifting up his lips. It was Peter’s turn to flush again.

“It’s only the one!” He said defensively. “And I don’t like it that much!” Ned raised an eyebrow.

“Is that so, babe?” Peter rolled his eyes even as he flushed lightly. He really didn’t like the name _that_ much. “No other nicknames, huh? Not honey-pie?” Peter had made the mistake of reaching for his drink and nearly choked on the blueberry lemonade as he struggled not to laugh at the complete absurdity Ned had just uttered. Ned continued unperturbed. “or Sweet Lips? Sugar Bear” The nicknames were getting more and more ridiculous as Ned added to them and Peter couldn’t help but laugh. “Buttercup? Baby Cakes? Sweet Pea –“

“Okay, okay. Please stop!” Peter finally said, laughing despite himself. “Those all ridiculous!” Ned’s eyes were twinkling.

“None of them doing it for you, Dollface?”

“You sound like some ‘50’s misogynist.” Peter informed him, picking up his drink again and taking a tentative sip now that he was sure Ned’s nickname attempts were winding down. Ned scrunched his face up.

“Yeah, that one felt a little icky, not going to lie.” He admitted. “Guess I’ll have to keep trying. I’ll find something else that gets you going, darling.” The name was definitely meant as a joke but Peter nearly choked on air hearing it. He didn’t know if it was the way Ned pitched his voice - just a little lower than normal and just quiet enough that Peter instinctively leaned in even though he could hear it perfectly - or if the joking, over-the-top wink Ned added that was too much for him. Maybe it was the way the word sounded or how Ned’s lips looked as he said it. Peter wasn’t really sure, but the moment the word darling came out of Ned’s mouth, a warmth spread throughout Peter’s body and he was blushing furiously, fumbling to set his drink down before he spilled it all over the table in his surprise.

The reaction did not go unnoticed. Ned was staring at him, wide-eyed. His surprise didn’t last long, however, and he grinned widely at the new opportunity to tease Peter. “Darling,” he said again, testing it. Peter’s blush darkened. He couldn’t explain his body’s reaction to the word but it was definitely something. “_Darling_.” Ned whispered it that time, low enough that a normal person wouldn’t have been able to hear it and _oh. _Peter had thought hearing Ned say babe was wonderful but there was something about hearing darling come from Ned’s soft lips that had him barely repressing a shudder.

Peter opened his mouth to say something – either to ask Ned to stop because they were in public and Peter was having a definitely not public-friendly reaction or to say it again because the word was heavenly on his boyfriend’s lips, not even Peter was sure – but before he could, a loud bang ricocheted throughout the restaurant and Peter’s gaze instinctively snapped to the front of the restaurant.

What he saw made him realize that he must have actually eaten _somebody_ in a past life, because the Universe absolutely, positively, without a doubt had it out for him. Maybe he should start watching Buzzfeed Unsolved with MJ to see if any of the murder people gave him a rush of déjà vu. There was simply no way _this_ wouldn’t be happening if Peter hadn’t eaten at least _one_ person in a past life. Maybe two or three. Peter just hoped that they were fellow assholes and not innocent people. He really hoped they weren’t kids.

But he couldn’t focus on that right now. He couldn’t focus on anything else but the group of people who had just come barging into the restaurant. There were five large figures, dressed all in black with plain, nondescript masks, standing at the door of the restaurant – or more accurately, the large hole framed with splintered wood and plaster where the door had once been. But Peter wasn’t all that interested on their appearance and he quickly zoned in on what caused the small blast – each of the figures were holding large, glowing guns. He bit back a groan as he recognized the Chitari tech. It was supposed to have all been picked up – Mr. Stark had assured him that it had all been taken care of and Peter himself had brought down the Vulture. Obviously, the both of them had been wrong because Peter would recognize those kinds of weapons anywhere.

“Are those –“ Ned’s voice was barely a murmur but it may as well had been a gunshot in the absolute silence that had fallen in the restaurant. His voice was panicked, fearful and Peter wished he could spare a moment to reassure him but there was no time. Any minute now the Avengers in the front room were going to react but they had no idea the destruction those modified weapons could bring. If they acted without knowing, people were going to get hurt.

“Everyone, stay where you are!” The person in the front of the group started speaking. It was clear he had done this type of thing before – his voice was steady and rational with just a hint of alteration, and he stepped forward casually. “No one needs to get hurt.” The man had obviously not seen the Avengers’ table – there was no way a common criminal would be that calm if they knew they were facing the superheroes. Peter slowly stood, careful not to draw attention.

“Peter wha-“

“Get under the table, Ned. If you see a chance to move away into the kitchen and out the back door, do it.” Peter whispered, his voice steady as he carefully crept down to his knees, peering out around one of the bookshelves to keep an eye on the criminals. The Avengers table was still but Peter could see Ms. Romanov holding a gun under the table tightly, preparing to draw it. Sergeant Barnes had done the same and the Captain and Mr. Wilson both were shifting their weight, ready to dart out at a moment’s notice. Peter had to act soon – if any of the others acted blind and caused the criminals to fire their weapons in the restaurant, someone was going to get killed.

“Pe-“ Ned whispered again, his voice harsh with panic and worry but Peter was already moving. With practiced precision he vaunted up and shot twice through the shelves. His aim was – blessedly – true and the webs landed squarely in the center of the front two people’s weapons. Without even pausing, Peter yanked back and the weapons went flying. The group shouted in alarm and several of the civilians screamed but Peter paid no attention. The Avengers, as Peter knew they would at the first sign of movement, had already sprung up into action.

"The guns are Chitari!” He yelled, already shooting out more webs to wrap around the criminals themselves. He didn’t have time to think about how clear his voice would be without the benefit of the modulators Mr. Stark had installed and he was too busy to notice the quick, surprised glance Ms. Romanov through in his direction before she turned and fired at one of the figures still armed. Peter’s gut clenched at the sound of the bullet, but she had aimed for a non-critical spot and the man let out a shocked cry as his shoulder was hit. Sergeant Barnes took out a third with a similar hit and Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson both barreled into the last two, preventing them from shooting by ripping the guns straight from their hands.

In just a few, short minutes the altercation was over without a single Chitari weapon being shot. The relief Peter felt was nearly staggering – he had never expected to see those weapons on his streets again and he knew firsthand the kind of damage they could do. They were incredibly fortunate that the only victim had been the door.

Peter turned away from the shelves, back towards his boyfriend and their table. Their table had been bumped at some point in the brief commotion and both their drinks had fallen over, spilling blue and pink liquid all across the tablecloth. The bouquet hadn’t survived either, the delicate daisies crushed into the mess of sugary juice by the weight of the sunflowers and the tipped vase. None of that hardly mattered, though, because Ned was still there, seemingly unharmed, crouching under the table just as Peter had directed.

Relief unlike Peter had ever felt filled him in that moment as he dropped to his knees by his chair, staring wide-eyed at his boyfriend. Peter had feared losing people before, of course – he had been worried before that he would be too distracted to push someone away from a bullet or too slow to save someone from the slash of a knife – but this was different. He hadn’t had time to even consider what those weapons could have done to Ned – to someone he loved truly, deeply – but now, upon seeing Ned wide-eyed and shaking but completely whole, all the fears, mixed with an incredible, bone-aching relief, came rushing towards him.

He could have lost Ned.

He could have lost _Ned_.

Ned was safe.

Ned was _safe_.

Peter didn’t think. Didn’t hesitate. He wrapped an arm around Ned’s neck and pulled him forward as he crashed their lips together. The kiss wasn’t gentle, Peter wasn’t being nearly as careful as he usually was with Ned. Nor was it filled with the heated passion that accompanied their make-out sessions. It was hard, bruising, desperate. More a clashing of teeth than an actual kiss but neither seemed to care. Ned’s hands found their way around Peter’s waist and Peter let out a soft gasp as the other boy pulled him even closer. He realized he was shaking – it had been a long time since he trembled after a fight, a long time since the fear of a battle had gotten to him so badly – and he pressed himself against Ned, willing himself to get lost in the sensation and forget how close Ned came to danger.

He must have gotten lost a little too much because he didn’t hear the quick shuffle of several pairs of feet coming up behind him from the main dining area. Nor did he hear the soft, shocked intakes of breath as several people peered in from behind the shelves. He did, however, hear the deliberate clearing of someone’s throat quite clearly.

Peter pulled back abruptly, slamming his head against the top of the table as he did so. At least his face was hot enough that he hardly felt the thudding pain at the back of his head as he turned. Ms. Romanov was standing by one of the shelves, a small, knowing smirk on her face. The rest of the Avengers were standing behind her, each with a different look on their faces. Mr. Wilson, looking mildly uncomfortable, was staring resolutely at a space above Peter and Ned’s heads. Sergeant Barnes had a completely unreadable expression on his face, which was at least better than the slightly disapproving frown Captain Rogers was wearing as he stared down at the two teenagers with his massive arms folded across his chest.

Peter’s face felt hot enough to catch on fire. He didn’t know why these things kept happening to him and Ned – maybe he had been a terrible people-eater in a past life, but he thought he was doing pretty well in this one and he really didn’t deserve this. At the rate things were going, Peter was going to have to start bringing Ned with him everywhere and just kiss him whenever he needed someone because apparently that was a beacon for every adult in Peter’s life to come looking for him.

“Hello boys,” Ms. Romanov said, her smirk still in place as she stepped forward casually and dropped down to look at them levelly. Peter resisted the urge to lean backwards from her but couldn’t help but glance quickly at Ned. Ned looked mildly horrified, staring at Ms. Romanov as though he was half-convinced she was about to murder him. Peter couldn’t really blame him for that. “You going to come out from under there so we can chat?” She sounded faintly amused, as though helping stop a group of criminals using high-end, heavily altered alien technology that shouldn’t have existed anymore and then walking in on two teenage boys kissing was a completely normal occurrence. Peter didn’t know her life or what happened on the days he wasn’t at the Compound – for all he knew, _this_ could be normal for her. It was quickly becoming normal for _him_, at any rate.

“No,” Peter answered honestly, his voice small. “We’re good here, Ms. Romanov, ma’am.” His voice cracked a little as his tone turned sharp with his embarrassment. From behind Ms. Romanov he heard one of the men – possibly Sergeant Barnes judging from the slight gruffness of the tone – mutter something about him being “just a fucking kid.” Peter would have taken offense if there had been any room left inside him for any emotion other than embarrassment.

Ms. Romanov, to her credit, seemed completely unfazed by Peter’s response. She simply raised a single, perfect eyebrow– honestly Peter didn’t understand how every Avenger was so _ridiculously_ pretty, it was going to give him a complex one day, if he didn’t die from sheer mortification first – and cocked a grin at him. “Come now. You just saved several lives, Peter. Least you can do now is talk to us.” Peter’s brain short circuited, taking far too long to register what her words meant. She was speaking again before the horrible realization truly set in. “Or it would be more accurate to say ‘Spider-Man’?”

The Universe really, truly _fucking_ hated him.


	2. Chapter 2

“I – I – _what_?” Peter demanded, staring wide-eyed at the red-haired woman kneeling in front of him. His immediate response to her words was to deny it but speaking was suddenly quite difficult. “I’m not –“ Ms. Romanov seemed endlessly amused, smirking at Peter as he tried to figure out what to say. “I’m not Spider-Man. That’s ridiculous!” He managed finally, weakly. Ms. Romanov just raised an eyebrow.

"Cut the bullshit, kid. I’d recognize those webs anywhere.” That was Mr. Wilson who spoke up, coming up behind Ms. Romanov to stare down at Peter with his arms crossed over his chest. Peter couldn’t tell from his expression if he was annoyed or just had a resting disappointed face but he ducked his gaze down guiltily anyway. It was safer, by a tiny margin, to look at Ms. Romanov instead. At least she hadn’t thrown him out of a window the last time they’d met.

Peter could feel his panic rising but he stamped it down viciously. Mr. Stark would absolutely murder him if he let the former-Rogue Avengers know his identity. His mentor had worked far too hard to keep Spider-Man’s name out of the Accords talks and revealing his identity to the newly installed Avengers before Mr. Stark had approved it would be a truly awful way to repay him. But he was in quite a predicament – there was no way to deny Spider-Man had been involved, not after he used his web shooters. Nor was there anyway to deny that Spider-Man had been in that corner, as surely all of the Avengers would be experienced enough to tell the trajectory of the webs with only a glance. He briefly considered telling them that Spider-Man had indeed been there and disappeared right after the attack but he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to outright lie and get away with it. He was fairly certain Ms. Romanov could smell deceit, like a shark with blood in the water. Peter’s best bet in getting out of this with his identity intact, then, would be to play stupid.

"What webs?” Maybe not _that_ stupid he thought as he watched Ms. Romanov’s lips twitch in amusement and heard several annoyed and indignant huffs behind her. “There are webs?” His voice cracked at that one, but Peter still managed to feign craning behind Ms. Romanov to try and see where the webs were.

“You’re kidding, right? He’s freaking kidding, right?” Mr. Wilson again. Peter got the feeling that he wasn’t his biggest fan. Remembering the feeling of broken glass scratching against his suit, Peter had to admit the feeling was fairly mutual.

“Of course not, Mr. Falcon – Wilson, sir!” Peter said, making sure to keep a wide-eyed look of confused innocence on his face as he risked looking up at the older man again. Mr. Wilson stared down at him and there was no longer any mistaking his expression for anything but pure annoyance. Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers, now standing on either side of Mr. Wilson, had similarly unamused expressions.

“So you’re saying not only are you _not _Spider-Man but that you also didn’t notice him swooping in here to shoot webs at a bunch of robbers with high-tech from behind the shelves, son?” That was the good Captain himself speaking and Peter turned his wide-eyed gaze at him.

"There was a robbery?” He asked, his voice cracking with nerves that he hoped would be interpreted as on account of the robbery. If he was going to play stupid, he might as well double down on it.

"Are you saying you didn’t notice a group of assholes come in here by blasting down the door?” That was Sergeant Barnes jumping in. Peter was almost tempted to tell him language, just to see what would happen but he decided he actually did value his life.

“Well, we were a little busy.” Ned’s voice rang out beside Peter, surprisingly even. Peter kind of wanted to bang his head against the table leg, his face heating up as he turned to give a look to his boyfriend. On one hand, Ned was trying to help Peter and his excuse had definitely sounded more put together than Peter’s had, but on the other he really didn’t need to remind the Avengers what they walked in on. Peter was starting to understand more and more how the first excuse Ned had come up with at Homecoming was pornography. He obviously had very little shame.

Ned’s words had some rather interesting reactions, to say the least. Ms. Romanov looked, for a split second before she schooled her expression back into a faintly amused smirk, like she was going to actually laugh. Mr. Wilson took a step back, looking slightly discomfited – Peter really hoped that the reaction was more because of their age than their gender. Sergeant Barnes’ lips twitched with amusement – the first break in his neutral-annoyed expression that Peter had seen. But Captain America had the best -worst? – response. A faint but definitely noticeable blush crossed his face as though the idea of two teenage boys kissing in public was absolutely shocking. Perhaps the Captain had retained some of his 1940s sensibilities. Peter would take embarrassed over disgusted any day though and he was sure that in the far, far future – like in a decade or so – he would find his reaction amusing.

“So you’re saying that you missed an entire robbery attempt because you were making out under a table?” Mr. Wilson spoke up first, surprisingly. He seemed to have recovered from his momentary surprise and his disbelief was clear. Ned made a show of shrugging, as though it didn’t matter to him one bit if the Falcon believed him or not. Peter had to admit he was quite impressed that Ned was keeping his head for once – then again, at this point he had a lot of experience in such matters. And he’d at least already met Captain America and the Black Widow so he wasn’t nearly as starstruck as he could have been.

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” He replied; his voice full of fake nonchalance. Peter could hear a slightly shaky, nervous undertone but he was impressed, nevertheless, at the overall steadiness. At least one of them might be able to talk their way out of this situation.

“I’m calling bullshit, kid. No kiss is that good.”

“Maybe you just aren’t doing it right.” Peter’s face flamed up as he dropped his head into his hands.

“Oh my God, _Ned_!” He groaned from between his fingers, absolutely horrified, as he heard several surprised noises from the heroes in front of them. He could not believe Ned had just said that to someone. He couldn’t believe Ned had said it to an adult_, _let alone an _Avenger. _He would almost rather just admit that he was Spider-Man.

"I’m just being honest!” Ned replied, although Peter could hear from the slight crack in the middle of his sentence that his boyfriend hadn’t really meant for the words to actually come out of his mouth. Peter took back every gracious thing he had said about Ned getting good at these situations. Ned was obviously at least ten times _worse_ than Peter was.

“Oh my God!” Peter repeated, his voice a squeak now as he pressed his burning face further into his hands. Perhaps if he squeezed hard enough, he could pop himself out of existence. Distantly he heard someone choke back a laugh – either Ms. Romanov or Sergeant Barnes most likely but he honestly couldn’t tell. Maybe if he pinched himself instead of squeezing, he would wake up from the nightmare he was surely in.

“Maybe we _are_ wrong.” Mr. Wilson was speaking again, sounding incredibly disgruntled. Peter didn’t move his hands, completely unwilling to make eye contact with anyone around him, but his shoulders tensed minutely. If Ned’s excuse actually _worked_, he would probably be able to forgive him for the sheer embarrassment it caused. Eventually.

“Hmm,” Ms. Romanov’s voice was soft and low, thoughtful as she considered the two boys. “I don’t think so.” She answered finally and Peter tried hard not to let his shoulders drop in despair. Any obvious reaction would prove her right. He just hoped Ned, who had gone quiet – thankfully – beside him could also hide his reaction. “There’s too many coincidences.” She added, “Tony knows him. Since when has Tony shown any interest in children?”

“Or anybody but himself,” Peter heard Mr. Wilson grumble. Without thinking, Peter dropped his hands and raised his head to glare at the older man.

“Mr. Stark is a kind, generous man!” He seethed, his voice coming out louder than he meant it to. A distant part of his mind was screaming that he absolutely shouldn’t be yelling at Mr. Wilson – that he was both an air force vet and a superhero who deserved Peter’s respect – but it was overtaken by an overwhelming wave of anger. Peter wasn’t naïve – he’d heard about Mr. Stark’s exploits and he knew about his old reputation. He knew that some people had less-forgiving opinions of his mentor than Peter did. And he knew Mr. Stark was brash and arrogant. But he also knew that Mr. Stark was selfless and brave. He knew Mr. Stark was a good person and a great hero and he would damn his own secret identity if it meant standing up for his mentor. Especially if it was a man who Mr. Stark had lost sleep to bring back home. “Don’t you _dare_ speak like that about him!” There was a threat in Peter’s voice – one that he didn’t mind making – and he met Mr. Wilson’s eyes evenly with a fierce, unbending expression.

Mr. Wilson looked mildly surprised but unconcerned at Peter’s outburst. A mistake, in Peter’s opinion, because if he had one more bad word to say about Mr. Stark, Peter would throw him through the bookshelves, secret identity be damned.

"Interesting.” So focused on his anger, Peter didn’t realize the tactical mistake he had made, but the Avengers certainly did and Ms. Romanov was evidently eager to point it out. Peter glanced away from Mr. Wilson to glare at her, unwilling to completely let go of his anger.

“What’s interesting?” He bit out. The small voice in the back of his head – which was starting to sound a lot like a scolding Aunt May – grew a little louder in protest of his rude tone. Peter ignored it.

“That you apparently heard Sam say something about Tony.” It was Captain Rogers who responded, looking down at Peter with a suddenly scrutinizing expression. Peter’s anger fell as his face scrunched in confusion.

“He wasn’t very quiet about it.” Peter responded, risking a glance at Ned. He had Mr. Wilson clearly. It had been under his breath, sure, but not that quiet, and he was sure his boyfriend had heard it as well. But Ned’s expression, when he met Peter’s was one of confusion.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Ned murmured, obviously trying to keep his words quiet enough that the others wouldn’t hear, even if they could see him whispering them. An effort done in vain, Peter realized with a growing sense of dread, because two out of the four heroes in front of them had super hearing. Similar, in fact, to the enhanced hearing Peter himself possessed. Which he had just demonstrated to the entire group without even realizing.

“Oh _fuck_.” He whispered, turning back to the adults. Ms. Romanov smiled sharply at him. He imagined it was the same predatory smile she gave her victims whenever she caught them. It was a terrifying smile.

“I’m sure Tony will be pleased to hear how much Spider-Man adores him. You can tell him when we get to the Compound.” Her words were brisk and absolute, leaving no room for argument. Still, Peter was stubborn and he would absolutely rather be stabbed or thrown through a window by any of the present Avengers because of sheer annoyance than admit to Mr. Stark anything that just happened.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Romanov. I can’t go to the Compound today.” His voice shook as he spoke, but he hoped it was firm enough to get his point across.

Ms. Romanov just raised a single eyebrow, shooting him an unimpressed look. “Ned’s coming too, if that makes you feel better. You can continue your date afterwards.”

“I am?” Surprise and disbelief were obvious in Ned’s tone, mixed with a bit of reluctant hope. Peter couldn’t blame him for that – visiting the Compound was, in less horrifying circumstances, a little dream come true and he had been quietly trying to figure out a way to convince Mr. Stark to let Ned visit as a surprise for the other boy. This was not at all how Peter had hoped he could take his boyfriend, but that didn’t change that Ned really wanted to see it.

“Of course. You’re obviously close to Spider-Man. You have value as a witness.” Peter didn’t like the way Ms. Romanov looked at Ned as she spoke, as though she was just waiting for some privacy before she began the interrogation. Judging by the slightly fearful look Peter saw when he glanced at his boyfriend, Ned had also picked up on the tone. Peter would get Mr. Stark to let Ned visit the private part of the Compound another time, because there was absolutely no way he was letting Ms. Romanov take them now. Peter hated to use it – Spider-Man would have exactly zero cred with the newly reinstalled Avengers once he did - but it was time to pull his trump card.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Romanov, but we really can’t go with you. I promised my aunt we wouldn’t leave the city today.” There, Peter would never be considered an adult or a serious superhero amongst the Avengers now, but it was better than outright admitting he was Spider-Man or being dragged in front of Mr. Stark so that the older man could admit it instead.

The reactions were as awful as Peter expected them to be - Mr. Wilson was looking more annoyed by the moment, Captain America looked pained, as though the reminder of how young Peter was caused him physical anguish, and even Ms. Romanov’s face had grown cautiously blank, as though she too was getting tired of Peter’s admittedly weak attempts to dissuade them. A brief silence followed Peter’s words and for a heart stopping moment, Peter thought he might have actually done it – might have actually gotten the heroes in front of him to back off, at least for the moment. Then, much to his disappointment and surprise, Sergeant Barnes spoke out.

“I’m sure your aunt won’t mind. If she lets you swing around punching crooks in the face, I don’t think she’ll care that you come up to the Compound with us. You visit often anyway.” He spoke gruffly, his Brooklyn accent thick, and his rather large arms bulging as he folded them in front of him. It was a rather stern look, for the rough hero, with some blaring adult-talking-to-a-child vibes Peter didn’t like. Still, needs must and if Peter had to play the innocent child to avoid even greater humiliation, he absolutely would.

Focusing on Sergeant Barnes, Peter adopted his most innocent, gee-shucks-mister-I’m-just-a-kid expression before answering in his most honeyed, butter-wouldn’t-melt voice. It was his Hail-Mary pass, the kind of voice that got him out of more detentions and groundings than any other combined. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Sergeant Barnes. I can assure you my aunt doesn’t let me swing around anywhere or punch anyone and she definitely doesn’t let me go out of the city without telling her.” Peter was pretty sure Sergeant Barnes and Ms. Romanov both could smell his lies, like blood in the water, but he carried on regardless, “especially not with strangers.” He added an apologetic shrug for good measure.

He could tell the adults didn’t believe him one bit, but there was little they could do. That was the beauty of the “stranger-danger” card. No adult, even superheroes and decorated war veterans, could argue against a child telling them they weren’t allowed to leave with people they didn’t know without appearing like a total creep. Peter didn’t like insinuating that the Avengers were capable of anything like that and he definitely didn’t like playing the child – especially because he knew they knew he was Spider-Man, even if he denied with his last breath – but needs must. And he needed to pretend none of this was happening and stay away from Mr. Stark and the Compound like he needed air to breathe.

There was silence while the adults continued looking down at Peter and Ned and the boys continued staring up at them from under the table. They were at a stalemate, Peter knew. The adults didn’t believe the boys, but as long as the boys refused to admit anything, they couldn’t prove anything. And now they couldn’t take them to the Compound without either appearing or feeling like total creeps but the boys also weren’t exactly capable of leaving with the adults still crowding around the table. So they all stared at each other as the silence loomed around them.

Just as Peter was starting to feel confident that the adults were giving up, Ms. Romanov finally broke the silence, dashing his hopes viciously. “We can always call her and ask if she’s alright with us taking you to the Compound. She works at the pediatrics unit in the Queens -” She was already pulling out her phone as she spoke, her voice deceptively casual. Peter didn’t even think before he was rushing out from under the table and towards Ms. Romanov with both his hands raised.

“NO!” He practically yelled, still crouched on his knees and staring up at Ms. Romanov. “I – uh – mean,” he flushed pink as Ms. Romanov and the other adults looked down at him and he hastily got to his feet. “She’s – you know – busy.” Peter rubbed the back of his neck as Ms. Romanov continued watching him, a little amused smirk back on her face and her phone still raised as though to call his aunt. How she knew where May worked, Peter didn’t know – some creepy super-spy stuff that was totally _not_ okay or legal, he was sure – but he did know that May would absolutely freak out if she got a call from Natasha Romanov on the first day she let her nephew back out into the world.

Peter darted a panicked glance at Ned who had slowly crawled out from under the table and stood up him next to him. Ned gave him a panicked look of his own and Peter knew he would be no help getting out of this one. He didn’t hold it against him at all – he would honestly rather Ned be also out of ideas than spouting any more wildly inappropriate excuses.

“Well, I’m sure she’d appreciate a call for something as important as this,” Ms. Romanov continued and Peter was forced to turn all his attention back to the older woman in front of him. “After all, no one here would want the Avengers accused of tormenting or kidnapping minors.” She added, her small smirk still in place. Peter very much wanted to accuse the Avengers of tormenting someone – namely _him_ – but he wanted May to be able to trust him to handle situations like this much more. He knew that if Ms. Romanov made that call now, May would absolutely forbid him and Ned to go to the Compound but he also knew that it would destroy the peace she had at work. Peter would feel guilty forever if his aunt ended up going to work everyday terrified that she was going to get a call about him. She already had to deal with that in the evenings, when he was on patrol. He couldn’t take away her days as well.

He hated it – and for a split moment he hated the heroes in front of him too – but he knew he had little choice now but go along with what the adults wanted and hope Mr. Stark could save him. Ms. Romanov had called his bluff too well to do anything else. “That’s really not necessary, Ms. Romanov.” He told her, trying to keep his anger out of his voice. His voice came out a little squeaky as a result, but it was better to play the helpless teen than an annoyed, super-powered one, if he wanted to keep even the pretense of having a secret identity.

“Are you sure? I really wouldn’t want to worry her.” Peter was pretty sure the concern in Ms. Romanov’s voice was fabricated but he had to admit, it was incredibly convincing. He and Ned really had no chance against that level of lying. That realization only marginally made him feel better, but it was at least something.

“It would worry her more to get a call.” Peter admitted reluctantly. He took a moment to send an apologetic look at Ned, “we’ll go with you to the Compound and see Mr. Stark.” He forced himself to adopt an innocent, reluctant face as he turned towards Ms. Romanov and continued speaking. Him losing his temper about Mr. Stark was what got him deeper in this hole in the first place; he wouldn’t let himself show his anger again. Even if he kind of wanted to web Ms. Romanov’s hand to the bookshelf like he had done to Mr. Stark and the bedroom door the first time they met. “But we have to be back by four.” He added. “We have homework.”

Ms. Romanov seemed pleased as she slipped her phone back into her pocket. “I’m going to go deal with the police and make sure we can get out quietly. You boys behave yourselves,” Peter was pretty sure she had been speaking to him and Ned but she made eye contact with Mr. Wilson and Sergeant Barnes as she spoke. It was odd, but Peter had more pressing issues then to worry about whatever weird things the Avengers called themselves in private.

Mr. Wilson and Sergeant Barnes seemed content to stare at the boys – Mr. Wilson in thorough annoyance and Sergeant Barnes with an indiscernible expression that made him look far more terrifying than anyone else Peter had met. The fact that his massive arms were still folded across his chest – the metal one gleaming ominously - certainly didn’t help the image and Peter found himself inching in front of Ned a bit, just in case. He didn’t really think Sergeant Barnes would try to hurt Ned, but one couldn’t be too careful when the Universe despised them.

Captain Rogers, much to Peter’s chagrin, was not content to stare him down and he spoke up the moment Ms. Romanov had slipped out of sight. “How long have you been doing this, son?” His voice was quiet, serious. Had Peter know the good Captain a bit more, he would have realized that him falling quiet after Peter had heard Mr. Wilson badmouth Tony was a sign that he had been thinking hard on something. Be he didn’t know Captain America that well and the man’s sudden question startled Peter.

“What?” Peter asked. Captain America face bunched in annoyance, as though he thought Peter was being purposely stupid, which – if Peter was being honest – was not an unfair assumption.

“Being Spider-Man.” He elaborated. “Stopping crime. Putting yourself in danger.” He continued, a hard edge in his voice that Peter didn’t like at all. Of all the people who got to judge Peter for his potentially poor decision making, a former international fugitive recently pardoned for terrorism was very, very low on the list.

“I don’t know what you are talking about, sir.” Peter stuffed his anger down into the deepest hole in his mind, letting his voice come out confused rather than hardened. He was getting good at playing innocent, at the very least. And controlling his temper.

Captain America made a soft noise of disagreement as Mr. Wilson outright scoffed beside him. “We aren’t stupid, son. How long has Tony allowed you to go on with this?” The hard edge in the Captain’s voice seemed to sharpen as he mentioned Tony and Peter felt himself rankle up despite his best efforts. Mr. Stark may have given Peter his suit and he may have dragged Peter into the big-league a bit before he was ready, but Peter had been out swinging and stopping petty crime months before the older hero had even thought about knocking on his apartment door. The idea that Mr. Stark _allowed_ him to do it – to stop crime in his own neighborhood, at his own favorite breakfast spot – was preposterous. Even more so was the angry undertone in Captain America’s voice as he asked Peter the question, as though Mr. Stark helping him and providing him with the tools to keep himself alive was some terrible, awful thing.

Peter forced himself to shove all his anger down deeper, sent a silent prayer to the Universe to prevent him from trying to throw _any_ superpowered-war-veteran out of a window, and gave the captain a wide-eyed, confused look. “I really don’t know what you mean, Captain America, sir.” 

Captain America gave him a look that positively read ‘I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.’ It didn’t hold a candle to May’s or Mr. Stark’s but Peter still had to force down all his people-pleasing urges to keep his face carefully blank. His anger at the Captain helped, at least. “Is that how we’re going to play it?” Peter just shrugged in response and then had to force himself to remain calm when the older man’s gaze turned towards Ned. “You have anything to say?” There was a soft imploring tone in his voice and Peter actively had to force his arms at his side rather than push Ned away from the Captain’s gaze.

Ned seemed to have understood Peter’s play, because he decided to answer back as generically as possible. “Um, no, sir. Nothing at all.” Captain America sighed at the response but seemed to accept it for the moment, choosing to fall into silence alongside Mr. Wilson and Sergeant Barnes.

Peter thought he’d be grateful for the ceasefire but the silence that loomed after Ned’s words was so much _worse_. He knew the men in front of him were planning the doom of his secret identity and he kept expecting them to spring some sort of ‘gotcha’ question on him or Ned. The heavy feeling of each man’s gaze, constant on Peter’s bent head – he had committed to staring at the floor for the rest of his life – didn’t help much and Peter found himself breathing in relief when Ms. Romanov finally returned to their corner, Marie right at her heels.

“Boys!” Marie cried out before Ms. Romanov could say anything and she impatiently pushed at the wall of muscle the Avengers had become in the Black Widow’s absence. Peter had never really considered Marie a small woman but she was positively tiny next to Sergeant Barnes, who stepped aside and let her pass with an appraising look. There was dust all across the front of her clothes, and a bit of blood trickling down her arm from an untreated cut. She must have been too close to the door when the would-be thieves broke in, but she seemed to be hardly fazed as she swooped in on the boys. “Are you all right?” She asked, stopping just a few inches from the boys, her hands half outstretched as though she wanted to pull both boys into a massive hug.

Peter tried for a comforting look as he opened his arms and accepted a brief hug from her. She squeezed him nearly as tightly as May did after a rough patrol before moving away and pulling Ned in instead. “I was worried when you didn’t come out from here,” she told them as she pulled away from Ned. “Thought you’d gotten hurt somehow. No one else has, thank God. Except for those robbing bastards.” There was a dark note in her voice but it was gone quickly as she turned halfway to look at the Avengers. “It’s truly a miracle you all came in when you did,” she said, her voice grateful. “And Spidey, too.” She added and Peter had to fight to keep his face neutral. “Who knows what could have happened if he didn’t warn about the guns. Shame he didn’t stay back so that I could thank him.”

Peter felt his face warm up despite himself and he very carefully did not look at the Avengers – all of whom were looking very interested in the conversation all of a sudden – as he nodded in agreement. “Y-yeah. Spider-Man really shows up, doesn’t he?” He hoped his lukewarm answer would discourage Marie from saying anymore but she just seemed to perk up instead.

“He really does! Although you boys have some close experience with that, don’t you? What with what happened down in DC last year?” Peter could have groaned at the way Ms. Romanov’s face lit up with a sharp Cheshire grin. Mr. Stark and Happy had both done quite a bit of work keeping Spider-Man’s sudden appearance outside of New York under wraps but it had, to no one’s surprise, gotten around their neighborhood like a wildfire. And now the formerly-Rogue Avengers were hearing about it and it would undoubtedly heighten their suspicions.

“Spider-Man was in Washington DC? I thought he was based in New York?” Ms. Romanov’s voice betrayed nothing but innocent curiosity and although Peter wanted to frantically wave his arms and scream for Marie not to answer, he knew his objections would only make it even worse. He had no choice but to bite his tongue and let Marie dig the deep hole he was in even further.

“Yes. It was rather strange and it didn’t make any of the news channels for some reason, but he saved the boys’ Decathlon team when the Washington Monument elevator lost power.” That was the official story – the real one where Ned accidentally brought dangerous and explosive alien tech to one of the most important landmarks in the United States and it reacted really badly to the security sensors was buried so far it would never see the light of day again. Unless Ms. Romanov managed to dig it up – a terrifyingly plausible scenario. Peter decided to put his foot in his mouth before Marie accidentally kicked his teeth in with more suspicious Spider-Man stories. Like how Spider-Man had webbed someone to a school bus on the night of Peter’s Homecoming dance.

Yeah, Peter really didn’t need that story going anywhere near the Avengers in front of him. “Yes,” he spoke quickly. “We really do owe Spider-Man a lot. But he never – you know – “ he shrugged, trying to find the right words that wouldn’t incriminate himself further - “sticks around.” Dear Lord, just strike him down now. Ms. Romanov and Sergeant Barnes were both smirking at him now and it seemed that even the disapproving Mr. Wilson was hiding an amused quirk of his mouth. Only Captain Rogers remained stern and unamused, but that was little surprise to Peter at this point. “Anyway, I’m glad to see you’re okay Marie, but we really have to get going.” It was a rough segue and he was pretty sure he heard Sergeant Barnes wryly mutter something about Spider-Man really not ever sticking around but he ignored it. Hearing something he shouldn’t have was what got him deeper down this hole in the first place. He may not have learned how to actually keep his secret identity a secret, but he at least was capable of learning from his mistakes.

“You gonna be okay?” Marie asked, seeming to finally catch onto the odd tension between Peter and Ned and the Avengers as she looked from Peter to the adults and back. Peter tried for a winning smile.

“Yeah, it’s New York. We’re used to it. But May’s probably freaking out – you know how things travel around here – and the Avengers offered to give us a ride back home.” Not technically lies. May would absolutely freak if she heard about what had happened and the Avengers had better give them both a ride back to the city after forcibly dragging them to the Compound. It was the only responsible thing to do.

Marie seemed unconvinced but she, like any New Yorker who had witnessed the Battle of New York, had an ingrained trust in the Avengers that was virtually unshakable. Peter could have told her that the good Captain sometimes spat chewing gum on the sidewalk and she would call it blasphemy. There was no way she would believe that they meant any harm to two innocent boys. Even if the boys in question weren’t quite that innocent and harm was just a loose word for what the Avengers had planned. “Alright then, get home safe.” She spared a quick, sad look at the mess on the table.

“We’ll probably have to close until the door can be fixed.” She told them, reaching out a hand and picking up two of the least damaged sunflowers. “But I want you both back in on reopening. Get you that breakfast, and I’ll get my story, okay?” She handed the flowers to Peter, who gingerly took them in his hand as he nodded. She tried for one final smile – sadness, anger, and relief warring on her face – before sweeping back out to the front room. “Go out the kitchen if you wanna avoid the press.” She called over her shoulder. “Ned knows the way.”

Pressing the flowers briefly against his chest and allowing their light fragrance to ground him, Peter turned to his boyfriend. “Lead the way,” he told him, not quite able to keep the annoyance out of his voice. The day had started out so wonderfully and now he was sneaking out the back entrance of a restaurant with his boyfriend and half the formerly-Rogue Avengers with just a few sopping survivors of Ned’s gift to him. Ned, looking very worried, briefly reached out and squeezed Peter’s free hand before brushing past Sergeant Barnes to lead them through the kitchen. Peter followed him closely, not even bothering to shoot a look at the entirely too self-satisfied Ms. Romanov as he passed her. The Avengers took their cues from the boys and followed them in silence.

The only plus side remaining, Peter thought as Ned carefully led them to the Nook’s kitchen, was that Mr. Stark would probably be angrier at the Avengers for basically forcing them to the Compound than he would be at Peter for accidentally outing himself.

Probably.

Most likely.

He would like to think so, anyway.

The kitchen was eerily empty as the group made their way through it and Peter made sure to switch the heat off of an empty stove burner – Marie didn’t need to add accidental fire to her police report – as he passed by it. Ned made his way through confidently and Peter took a moment to briefly wonder – again- what he and MJ could have possibly done that his boyfriend now knew the exact layout of the kitchen and where the back door was. If they survived this mess, he would have to ask. He didn’t have nearly as many embarrassing stories about Ned than Ned had about him. It would only be fair to even the playing field, after all.

The thought of that served to cheer Peter up a bit as Ned held the back door open for everyone to file past him. The quiet, perfunctory ‘thanks’ from Peter, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes were the only sounds to break the silence that descended on the group; even as Ned moved away to allow Ms. Romanov to lead the way, the silence continued. Peter had nothing to say to the adults – nothing appropriate anyway - but he couldn’t deny that the silence was grating. Peter didn’t much like quiet and was accustomed to filling it in with chatting or loud fidgeting. But he didn’t have any desire to talk in front of the Avengers and he wasn’t comfortable enough to fidget – too worried that he’d give himself away by tapping his fingers too fast or something of the sort. It would be just his luck to damn himself further with something ridiculous like that.

No, it was much safer to keep his mouth shut and his nervous energy at bay. He was beginning to learn his lessons, after all. Potentially far too late, but still, he was learning.

“Car’s over here.” Ms. Romanov spoke into the silence after a few minutes of walking through back alleys, pointing at a discreet, shiny black car flanked by two motorcycles. Peter knew enough about cars – and had been around Mr. Stark enough – to know that the vehicles were all incredibly expensive, even if they were far less flashy than anything Mr. Stark owned. A part of him – the small, easily excitable fanboy part that Peter’s anger had shoved into a deep corner of his mind – wanted to ask half a million questions about them, especially the motorcycles. May pointedly refused to allow Peter within five feet of one, a fact that had irked Peter for ages, especially given his nightly routine, and they weren’t Mr. Stark’s drug of choice when it came to flashy travel, so he hadn’t even been able to get around one at the Compound. He easily had ten questions about the one on the left alone, that Sergeant Barnes was heading towards.

He had been just about to ask the question on the tip of his tongue – when Ms. Romanov spoke again and he remembered where he was and who he was with. “Ned, Peter, you’re with me and Sam. In the back,” she spoke simply, shooting what may have been intended as a friendly smile at them. Peter was pretty sure that his admiration of the motorcycles and car had not gone unnoticed, judging by the amused twinkle in the woman’s eye and he forcefully clamped his mouth shut and only offered a small, rigid nod before taking Ned’s hand – the other boy had also stopped to ogle the vehicles in front of him – and pulling him into the back seat with him.

He knew he was being a petulant child – that’s what Happy always said, anyway, whenever Peter pouted in the back seat – but he didn’t much care. He had a several hour drive ahead of him and he planned to speak not a single word for the entire way. With that thought in mind, Peter gently placed his ruined bouquet on the empty seat next to him and pulled his seatbelt over himself, letting the click of the belt echo audibly through the car as Ms. Romanov and Mr. Wilson slid into the front seets. Ned seemed to be following Peter’s example because he also didn’t say anything as he slid his belt over himself.

“How about some music?” Ms. Romanov asked blithely, sparing a glance at the two teens in the back as she pulled out from her spot, behind Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes, both now seated on their respective motorcycles. Peter just shrugged, refusing to meet her eyes, and pulled out his cellphone. He had a few texts to compose that would hopefully stop his aunt or mentor from committing murder. And he wanted to talk to Ned, without the adults overhearing.

“They’re actually pouting.” Mr. Wilson’s voice was equal parts incredulous and annoyed as he shot a luck at the two boys in the back which Peter ignored as he unlocked his screen. He already had a message from Ned, who must have had the same thoughts as him about how to spend the car-ride. “I can’t believe freaking _Spider-Man_ is a sullen fourteen-year-old.”

_WTF are we gonna do? _Peter read, refusing to acknowledge Mr. Wilson’s words. It was only years of practice hiding his phone under desks at school that kept Peter from glancing up at Ned and reassuring the other boy verbally. Instead, he began texting, the quiet click of his screen the only sound floating through the small space.

_Don’t freak out. I have a plan. _Peter hit send, then paused.

_Sort of. _He added as a second message. It was far too hard to lie to Ned, after all.

“It tends to be what teenagers do.” Ms. Romanov said to Mr. Wilson, her tone still calm even as Mr. Wilson gave a loud, aggrieved huff. Then she must have followed through on her request for music, because a soft, generic pop station began playing. Peter didn’t bother looking up.

_What do you mean sort of? _Ned had responded. Then,

_Mom and May are gonna kill us. _Peter resisted the urge to tap his foot restlessly as he quickly shot a message back to Ned.

_Not if we do this right. _

“Are you two texting _each other_?” Mr. Wilson demanded from the front seat. Peter spared a moment to look up and make brief eye contact with the man who had turned to look over his shoulder at the two boys. He maintained eye contact for a moment before looking back down at his phone to see a new text from Ned.

Spider-Man may not have been a sullen fourteen-year old but he very much was a petty nearly-sixteen-year old.

_WYM _was all Ned had written and it didn’t take long at all for Peter to message him back.

_Im going to message Mr Stark. He’ll help us come up with something. _Peter closed his and Ned’s conversation and quickly scrolled through his messages until he found Mr. Stark’s name. They hadn’t been communicating much because of Peter’s punishment – the last message dated to two weeks back when May had allowed Peter to go up and help Mr. Stark do some maintenance on the suit – but it didn’t take long to find their conversation and pull it up.

“This is ridiculous.” He heard Mr. Wilson say angrily to Ms. Romanov as he began texting. Ms. Romanov just made a noncommittal humming sound as she turned on to the freeway that led out of the city. Traffic was slow, even for New York standards, and Peter was pretty sure it would be a good hour before they were out of the city. He didn’t know whether to be annoyed – this was supposed to be his time with Ned – and relieved that it gave him more time to prepare Mr. Stark and figure out what to say to May and Mrs. Leeds that didn’t end with him and Ned grounded for another month.

_Hey Mr Stark… _Peter always thought it best to start with something simple in situations like this. Test the waters, so to speak. It was always a good idea to see if Mr. Stark was even looking at his messages at the moment or if he was busy. Gauging his general mood was also typically a good idea. He felt his phone vibrate with another message and a small banner bearing Ned’s name popped up on his screen. Peter ignored it – a bubble indicating that Mr. Stark was responding to his message had appeared and he needed to concentrate on it – but he did tap lightly on the other boy’s knee and shift his phone screen so that he could read it as well. He didn’t look up from his phone but he could feel Ned shifting so he could easily see it.

“Are you going to be like this the whole ride? It’s going to be hours!” Mr. Wilson called from the front seat. Neither boy even twitched as a response from Mr. Stark popped up. Peter was fairly certain he heard a grumbled “unbelievable” from Mr. Wilson but that hardly mattered as he read Mr. Stark’s message.

_Hey Kid. What’s up? Thought you had some hot date with Ed today. _Peter felt his cheeks pinken at Mr. Stark’s message but he decided to ignore it. He had far more important things to worry about than temporary embarrassment that Mr. Stark had even a minor interest in his love life.

_Something came up. _He typed out. Mr. Stark’s response was nearly instantaneous.

_WHAT_

_ Are you okay? Do you need backup? _The concern in Mr. Stark’s words was clear and Peter could imagine him already calling for F.R.I.D.A.Y. to pick up the coordinates on Peter’s phone as his nanotech suit began inching down his body. He quickly set a follow-up message – if he allowed Mr. Stark to reach full adult-freak out mode this situation would get messy very quickly.

_Nothing like that!_

_Everyone’s okay. Well mostly. Definitely physically_

Mr. Stark’s message was nearly instantaneous once more.

_Define ‘everyone’. _Then, before Peter could begin responding, another message appeared:

_What’s going on, Peter? _Full first name was never a good thing. Peter needed to do damage control, quick.

_You got to promise not to freak out… _Probably not the best way to start the conversation, Peter realized the moment he hit send. Mr. Stark had an unfortunate tendency to freak out more after being told not to overreact.

_PETER BENJAMIN WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON_

_DO I NEED TO FIND YOU?_

_I’M CALLING MAY IN FIVE SECONDS IF YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT THE HELL THAT IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN. _The messages came in such rapid succession that Peter was pretty sure that Mr. Stark was dictating them to F.R.I.D.A.Y. which was never a good sign.

_PLEASE DON’T_!!!!!!!!!!!! He responded immediately. Then,

_Give me a minute to explain. It’s a long story. _He paused for another moment, then added another quick message.

_Dont call me either, not alone_

Mr. Stark’s message was quick and to the point:

_You have thirty seconds._

Peter barely repressed a shudder. Full punctuation and no capitalization meant that Mr. Stark was passed simply angry and well on his way to furious. He probably only had half of the time his mentor allotted him before Mr. Stark began contacting May. He had most likely already begun tracking him, which meant he had even less before Mr. Stark realized who ‘everyone’ was and really began to freak out.

Sensing Peter’s unease, Ned placed his hand lightly on Peter’s knee and gaze it an encouraging squeeze. Peter didn’t look up from his phone – he had already began writing as quickly as he could – but he appreciated the gesture all the same. Ned couldn’t help him write the message because they couldn’t say anything aloud without the two adults in front hearing them, but him just being there for support was the next best thing.

Instead of writing one long message that would go well over his allotted time, Peter opted to send a rapid-fire string of texts, hoping Mr. Stark would be too busy reading them to have F.R.I.D.A.Y. call May right away. It wasn’t like he was trying to hide what was happening from her – there was no way she wasn’t going to hear about it anyway – but he knew she was going to worry a lot more if she heard from Mr. Stark before she heard from Peter. He just needed to make sure Mr. Stark was prepared as soon as possible.

The messages were jumbled and error-ridden in a way he would almost never text Mr. Stark – normally he was meticulous at catching typos while messaging his mentor, but Peter simply didn’t have time to proofread as he continuously hit send and immediately began writing again:

_me and ned were at a restaurant and then some of the rogue avengrs came in. we didnt talk to them and it was fine _

_ but then some guys w chit guns came in and they were gonna hurt people so I didnt have a choice. _

_I used my webs nd warned everyone what the guns were. No one saw me but the avengers saw where the webs came from_

_They came to investigage and ms r recognized me as your intern. She thinks Im SM and the rest do too _

_She didnt believe me when I denied it and now were all heading your way because they want tto talk to you about it_

_All means me, ned, ms r, cap, sergeant barnes and mr wilson _

_Please dont be mad, I really need your help _

Peter didn’t have to wait long for Mr. Stark to read through all his messages. A bubble indicating that Mr. Stark was responding popped up soon after he had sent his last message and Peter’s breath nearly caught in his throat as he waited to see what Mr. Stark had to say. Ned, who hadn’t removed his hand from Peter’s knee, gently squeezed it again. Peter barely resisted looking at the other boy – he just knew that despite the silence in the front of the car, Ms. Romanov and Mr. Wilson were definitely paying attention to them and he wasn’t going to give them any hint about was going on – but he did slip his free hand over Ned’s in acknowledgment.

Mr. Stark’s response came quickly.

_Not mad at you. You did the right thing in a tough situation _came first and Peter released a breath he hadn’t known he had been holding.

_Don’t try anything stupid. Stay with them and I’ll deal with it when you guys get here. _

_And text your aunt so she doesn’t freak out. _

Relief flooded into Peter. Mr. Stark was going to handle it. Peter just had to stay put, keep calm and text his aunt. He could do that.

_Alright, will do Mr Stark. Thank you!!! _

He didn’t expect a response at all, but Mr. Stark must have still had their conversation up because a reply came immediately.

_Don’t thank me yet, Peter. I might murder someone before this is over. _

Peter was suddenly not sure he could remain calm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was supposed to be the rest of the story, but it ended up a lot longer than I expected and it's been almost two months since I updated (life is pretty hectic right now) so I decided it would be better to put it up in three parts. Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope you all enjoyed it! I'll try to have the next update up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Peter passed the rest of the car ride in a perpetual semi-panic. He had texted May right after Mr. Stark’s last message – a short blurb telling her not to worry but something had come up and he and Ned were heading to the Compound. He hadn’t initially wanted to mention Ned but he knew that if he didn’t, it would only spell trouble later when May contacted Mrs. Leeds and they found out neither boy was still in the city. May’s reaction had been instantaneous, predictable, and worrying. It had taken several messages from Peter to ensure her that he and Ned were both perfectly fine, he couldn’t call her because his phone’s battery was low – a little white lie that he didn’t have the time to feel guilty about, and that they were not traveling by themselves but with a responsible adult. He may have strongly hinted that it was Happy that had picked them up but as long as he didn’t outright claim that, it wasn’t like he was _truly_ lying. It was better, at least, than telling his aunt that he and Ned had been more or less kidnapped by four of her least favorite Avengers.

With Aunt May’s fears more or less assuaged – he knew she was expecting him to call her with a full explanation the moment he reached the tower and could feasibly charge his phone, but he would deal with that in a few hours – and with a carefully constructed text sent to Ned’s mother so that she wouldn’t worry, all of Peter’s attention had turned to Mr. Stark’s worrying last message. He didn’t think the older man would actually try to kill one of the Avengers, but his threat was nevertheless concerning. Peter had already been the cause of arguments with Ms. Romanov and Mr. Stark on two occasions and once with Captain Rogers. He _really_ didn’t want to be the cause of another.

He also, though, _really_ didn’t want the Rogue Avengers knowing his identity and Mr. Stark was his best bet in casting doubt on their suspicions. If it took another argument between Mr. Stark and some of the rogue Avengers to keep his identity secure, Peter couldn’t deny that he would welcome it. Which, of course, made him feel extremely guilty. He knew there were still some obvious tension between his mentor and the other heroes and he really didn’t want to be the straw that rebroke the camel’s still mending back.

But he really, _really _didn’t want them to know the truth. Especially Mr. Wilson who had been entertaining himself by grumbling about Peter, Spider-Man, and ungrateful teenaged brats the entire trip. Peter really, really, _really_ didn’t want to give the man the satisfaction of being right.

But he also didn’t really, truly did not want Mr. Stark to be at odds with the rest of his team.

Peter’s thoughts went in a vicious, never-ending circle between the two thoughts and it was only Ned’s equally-panicked-but-still-somehow-comforting presence and his own promises to May and Mr. Stark that kept him from trying to sneak out of the car at every stop light.

Peter’s thoughts hadn’t settled by the time Ms. Romanov had pulled up to the Compound, several hours later, and his chest was heavy as he waited for her to park in the garage. Mr. Stark would have come up with something, Peter was absolutely sure. Whether or not that something would involve a major fight, Peter didn’t know. But he had made his choice when he first texted his mentor and now he would have to put all his trust in him. Peter had no problem trusting Mr. Stark, of course, but he couldn’t help the wave of resentment that hit him as he piled out of the car after Ms. Romanov and Mr. Wilson. Nor could he stop the sick feeling of regret that kept turning his stomach around. Had he been able to come up with a more conceivable excuse for Spider-Man’s presence at the Nook, there wouldn’t be a situation for Mr. Stark to handle in the first place.

Peter was drawn out from his thoughts by the low gasp made beside him and he turned just in time to catch Ned’s expression as he took in the garage around them. Ned’s growing expression of awe was another thing to add to his growing list of resentments against Ms. Romanov and her merry band of men, then – he had been looking forward showing Ned the private part of the Compound ever since their disastrous field trip to the public part.

Had Peter been able to bring Ned to the Compound properly, he would have made sure to allot enough time that Ned could give the collection of Mr. Stark’s expensive, flashy cars the appropriate amount of love and appreciation. As it was, he had no choice but to gently grab his hand and steer him away, following Ms. Romanov and Mr. Wilson as they headed towards the entrance to the Compound. Peter could see Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes already waiting by the large metal door. Peter briefly wondered why they hadn’t gone in without them but one glance at Captain Rogers’ disapproving expression told him questions probably wouldn’t be welcome. It didn’t bother Peter too much, he had an inexplicably strong feeling that it would be best for him and Ned to continue their silence anyway.

“You call Tony?” Ms. Romanov asked lightly as she reached forward to swipe her ID over the entrance panel to open the door. She seemed unsurprised and unfazed that the two super soldiers had waited for them rather than entering, so Peter assumed it must have been a pre-planned arrangement although he had no idea when they could have done that.

“No. You know how he gets if he has time to stew on things.” Peter didn’t understand the look Ms. Romanov shot Captain Rogers but it seemed to make the soldier defensive. “If we want answers, it’s better not to give him time to come up with –“

“With what, Capsicle?” Mr. Stark’s voice lazily drawled from the half-opened door in front of Ms. Romanov and it took all of Peter’s self-control not to jump on the roof in surprise. As it was, Ned nearly yanked his arm off by how hard he jolted. The adults, undoubtedly more experienced with unexpected entrances, had far more measured responses. Ms. Romanov didn’t even seem surprised. “Lies, maybe?” Mr. Stark continued and there was an edge to his voice Peter had never heard, not even the last time he had run into hot water with Captain Rogers. He barely resisted the urge to shiver.

“I wasn’t going to say lies, Tony.” Captain Rogers responded; his voice carefully measured as he raised his hands in an appeasing gesture. It seems that Peter wasn’t the only one to catch the ice in Mr. Stark’s voice. “More like excuses.”

“Excuses are just lies for the lazy and unimaginative.” Mr. Stark answered without missing a beat, levelling a dark stare up at the larger man. “But you of all people should know how I feel about _that_, Cap.” Peter was surprised to see a blush of shame cross Captain Rogers’ face. Peter half-expected one of the other adults to come to his aid but they all remained silent, although Mr. Wilson had a thunderous expression on his face. “Anyway, I don’t think any of you –“ this time he took in all of the adults with his cold gaze, “are in the position to be wanting answers to _anything_ seeing as I’m about thirty seconds away from adding a kidnapping of minors charge to your _remarkably_ extensive felony record.” At this, Captain Rogers again opened his mouth but Mr. Stark waved him off with an imperious hand.

“Nope. No. Didn’t we just talk about excuses? Don’t talk. I warned you! I _warned_ you and Nat to back off from the fucking kid. And yet here the both of you are with Sidekicks #1 and #2 along for the ride. Christ, Steve, what the hell were you thinking?”

“You shouldn’t say things like that in front of kids, Tony. And if you’d just let -” Captain Rogers’ voice was quiet but firm as he spoke. Mr. Stark, in contrast, looked like he was one word away from shooting the man as he angrily interrupted.

“I’ll say whatever damn things I please, Steve. You brought two minors _against their will_ to the Avengers’ Compound and you’re going to try to pull the high-and-mighty-routine, really? Fucking _really_?” Peter had never heard so many expletives pour from the older hero’s mouth – not even the time DUM-E accidently dropped a twenty-pound scrap of metal on his foot – and it was rather terrifying. He had thought he’d experienced an angry Mr. Stark after the ferry debacle, but this was an entirely different level.

"How do you know it was against their will?” That was Mr. Wilson then, jumping in to defend Captain Rogers. “Or are you just jumping to conclusions because you feel like it?” There was an accusatory tone in his voice that Peter didn’t like at all but Mr. Stark seemed to barely acknowledge it as he turned to answer the other man, pulling his phone out of his suit pocket. Peter suddenly wanted to shrink down when he saw it. He hadn’t considered what the other Avengers’ reactions would be to finding out Peter had pre-warned Mr. Stark.

"Next time you kidnap someone, maybe try and take their phone away? I mean, I know pre-emptive thought isn’t necessarily your strong suit, but surely even you could grasp that much?” Mr. Stark’s voice was dripping with poisonous sarcasm as he waved his phone about.

"It wasn’t kidnapping, Tony.” That was Ms. Romanov then, her voice calm and patient. “Peter and Ned both agreed to come.” Her voice, probably intended to pacify the situation, didn’t seem to affect Mr. Stark at all. The glare he levelled at her could have killed.

“You didn’t give them a choice!” He hissed at her, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “And don’t even try to tell me differently, _Peter’s_ not a liar!” That wasn’t strictly true, of course, but there was no way Peter was going to point that out. Especially with the emphasis Mr. Stark had just put on his name.

The other Avengers looked like they would push the argument more, but Mr. Stark turned to Peter and Ned without another word. “Come in, come in.” His voice was decidedly softer although the anger was still shimmering in his eyes as he ushered the two in, placing a protective arm out as they passed the other adults. “You’re here now, so I might as well feed you before I get Happy to take you home. Maybe Peter here can give you a tour of the non-classified sections, Ned?” There was a forced cheerfulness in Mr. Stark’s voice and he hadn’t even bothered to misremember Ned’s name as he led the boys into a wide foyer, the others trailing behind them.

“Tony-“ Captain Rogers called out, voice insistent. Peter had known that it would be too much to ask for the former Rogues to drop their quest entirely, but he had been hoping Mr. Stark could successfully get them away before they tried to start the interrogation. But it seemed that Captain Rogers had a stubborn streak proportional to his body and he wasn’t going to let them go so easily.

“There’s a prototype for the newest Stark phone in the upper lab you guys can play with. Make sure it’s not easily hackable, and all that. You’re good at that sort of thing, right Ned?” Mr. Stark said, just a touch too loud to be casual as they entered the Compound’s large communal living room.

“Tony, please –“ Captain Rogers tried again.

“For boring, responsible adult reasons I have to suggest you don’t go up to the room Peter stays in when he’s working here unless you keep the door open. I also have to insist you don’t visit my personal lab. I’m working on some Avenger stuff that I really think you shouldn’t get into unsupervised.” Mr. Stark didn’t even stop to acknowledge that Captain Rogers had spoken. Peter couldn’t deny that he was reveling in the pettiness, even if all his long-ingrained manners and years of hero-worship were screaming at the thought of straight-up ignoring the _Captain America_.

“Tony, come on –“ that was Ms. Romanov, then. She had just as much luck as Captain Rogers did.

“But food first! I assume you didn’t even get to eat anything at the restaurant?” Mr. Stark was ushering them across the communal floor to the stairs that led to his and Ms. Potts’ private floor. Peter tried not to think about the last time he’d rushed out of the communal floor but he couldn’t resist a quick peek back at Ms. Romanov. She, for the first time he’d ever seen, looked annoyed. It was a terrifying expression on her face. “I don’t have much in the fridge because Pep’s speaking at a business conference in London, but there’s some leftover Indian food that probably hasn’t turned yet. If not, I can give -”

“Tony!” Captain Roger’s voice cracked like a whip, breaking through Mr. Stark’s rambling sharply. Peter instinctively put a comforting hand on Ned as he jumped in surprise, trying not to visibly flinch himself. He could see the tension in Mr. Stark’s body as his mentor came to a stop and wondered how far he could run with Ned before one of the adults tried to stop them. He hadn’t wanted to be at the Compound in the first place but any desire he had to make the best out of the situation by showing Ned around was suddenly quelled. He would rather be anywhere else than this room at this moment.

Mr. Stark turned slowly and Peter instinctively backed away from the thunderous expression on the man’s face, gently pulling Ned with him. He had never seen Tony Stark so angry. He hadn’t thought it possible to look so murderous but Mr. Stark looked like he was contemplating the best way to strangle Captain Rogers with his own hands. Peter didn’t think it was possible but he was sure that if anyone could figure out how, it would be Mr. Stark.

Captain Rogers seemed undeterred by the expression, although Peter could have sworn he had been about a step closer to Mr. Stark before the other man had turned around. “We need to talk about this,” he said, his voice back to its normal level. Mr. Stark scoffed loudly in response. “Tony, I’m serious. We know Peter-“ he paused to gesture at Peter who really wished he had taken his chance to rush up the stairs, “- is Spider-Man and if you’re going to be working with a non-Accords approved superhero who happens to also be a _minor, _I think we really need to talk about it as part of a team.” Oh God. Where was a full-scale apocalyptic alien invasion when Peter needed one?

Mr. Stark’s already murderous expression darkened and Peter took another involuntary step. His hand slipped off of Ned’s shoulder and the other boy took his chance to take it into his own hand and squeeze it gently. Peter wondered how Ned, who worshipped literally every hero in this room and nearly cried when Captain America was named a wanted fugitive, was taking this. He himself was very conflicted between his loyalty to Mr. Stark and his ingrained respect for the other heroes.

He had been so excited that he had been invited to fight during the first so-called Civil War that he hadn’t really processed the ramifications of such a large-scale fight amongst such close people. Now that he had an unwanted front row seat for what was shaping up to be the second Civil War, he really wished he could go back to that ignorance.

Or, at the very least, not be the cause of it.

“I don’t even have time to address all the things wrong in all that bullshit that just spewed from your mouth,” Tony finally spoke, each word sharp with barely controlled anger. “So let’s just go with the important stuff. Peter Parker is my _intern_, not Spider-Man. Even if he was, you had no right to force him from up here and you definitely have no right to force a conversation about his involvement with me. And considering how fucking hard I worked to get you all back here because the world needs all the Avengers together and ready to defend, you don’t get to tell me jack shit about the Accords. Not. A. Goddamn. Word.” Mr. Stark enunciated his last sentence with a flourished finger jab at Captain Rogers’ chest after each word.

“To-“ Captain Rogers tried, again, a glint of hurt in his eyes.

“No,” Mr. Stark bit out, interrupting him easily.

“Ton-“

“Nope. No. Not a word. I did say that right? Not a single fucking goddamn shitty word. Not one!” Mr. Stark held up a warning hand once more and Captain Rogers seemed to finally have the sense to fall silent.

“We just want to talk, Tony.” Sergeant Barnes seemed to be the only adult still calm when he spoke up. It was the first time he had said anything since Mr. Stark had shown up and Peter nearly jumped at his voice in surprise.

For some reason, Mr. Stark did not shut the other man down the way he had everyone else. His expression was suddenly more guarded, a bit apprehensive, but a good amount of the raw anger had diminished. He still looked more furious than Peter had ever seen him, but no longer like he was about to aim at all the sensitive bits of Captain Rogers’ body. Probably because, although Sergeant Barnes had been involved on the other side of the Civil War, he hadn’t been Mr. Stark’s friend before. Peter knew it always hurt more to fight with MJ or – in the rare times that it had happened – Ned than it did any of his other classmates. That didn’t explain the apprehension in his gaze or the sudden slight stiffness in his body, but Peter knew better than to wonder too much about that. Mr. Stark was entitled to his privacy.

“If you had just wanted to talk, you could have done that without bringing the kids up here,” Mr. Stark said, after a moment’s quiet. The raw tone of his anger had been replaced with a nearly professional one. The other Avengers, wisely, remained silent as Sergeant Barnes’ expression turned appraising.

“Then send the boys up for some food, and we’ll all talk.” Sergeant Barnes responded simply, “calmly.” He added for good measure, shooting a warning glimpse at all of the adults present. “We can talk about why we think the kid’s Spider-Man and you can try and convince us we’re all wrong. And the boys can go fuck off upstairs.”

“Wrong choice of words there at the end, Sidekick #2,” Mr. Stark said, although there was no bite to his words. Peter couldn’t help but notice, even through his sudden outbreak of furious blushing, that he seemed much more considering than he had been. “Fine.” He added after a moment’s thought, “let me put the kids to bed –“ were the stupid child remarks ever going to stop? Peter and Ned weren’t _five _– “and then we can have a civilized talk or whatever the hell I need to do get you guys to stop harassing my intern.” There was still anger in his expression as he spoke, but it was much more mellowed. Peter wasn’t quite sure if Mr. Stark’s furiousness had been a feint to get his desired outcome or if the worst of his anger was directed at Captain Rogers, but he didn’t have time to consider it as Mr. Stark turned towards the wall he and Ned had pushed themselves against and gestured for them to head up the stairs.

Peter didn’t hesitate. Holding tight to Ned’s hand to make sure he followed, he quickly walked – he was careful not to flat out run – towards the stairs and began heading up. Mr. Stark spared one final glance at the other adults before following behind the two boys. They ascended in a heavy silence, broken only by the scuffle of their shoes against the steps. The Avengers downstairs didn’t even break the quiet, so complete was the silence. It was nearly suffocating. Peter wasn’t used to a quiet Compound. Even when it was just Mr. Stark and him in the large space, there had always been some noise. Mr. Stark and him chatting, F.R.I.D.A.Y. cheerfully answering questions or sassing Mr. Stark, rock music playing, the whirring sound of machinery.

Now all Peter could hear was the soft hum of the kitchen appliances, the quiet breathing of people in the building, and the soft scuffle of their feet. It was disorientating and uncomfortable. The compound had always been a safe place for Peter, full of quests in the name of science and the occasional late movie night for the sake of culture. It was not a quiet place because Mr. Stark was not a quiet person, and Peter hated it. Hated the idea that anyone could make Mr. Stark’s home silent around him. The moment they’d cleared the landing into Mr. Stark and Ms. Potts’ private living room, Peter turned to his mentor, bent on ending that unnatural silence.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. This is all my fault, I shouldn’t have –“ His apology was quickly flowing out of his mouth although he was careful to keep his voice a whisper. Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers both had super-hearing after all, and Peter had more than learned his lesson concerning that particular ability. Mr. Stark, well versed in all things Peter now, was quick to put up a halting hand.

“Enough of that, now. _None_ of this is your fault. Yours either, Ned.” He nodded to Ned, a silent and nervous mass to Peter’s left.

“If I hadn’t used my –“ Peter tried to argue, but Mr. Stark just held up his hand again.

‘If you hadn’t done what you needed to do, someone would have gotten seriously hurt. Sometimes we have to do things that put us in danger – of discovery, of injury, of whatever – it’s par for the course. That doesn’t mean we stop doing it. It just means we deal with it as it comes up. You aren’t experienced at this part of the process, yet, so I’ll handle it. You did right texting me, and I’ve gotten things worked out. You and Ned just hang out up here while I go down and deal with them.” Mr. Stark’s voice was soothing and Peter could feel himself relax despite his misgivings. Mr. Stark could handle this, Peter was sure.

“Are you going to be okay?” Peter hadn’t thought Ned had quite found his voice again yet, but the question, whispered nervously, had definitely come from the other boy. “I just mean,” Peter could sense the other boy’s sudden embarrassment – he must not have meant to have spoken aloud or was at least second guessing his decision now, “it seemed really tense down there. I don’t want you getting hurt. Not that I think any of them would hit you or that you can’t hold your own or anything, I just –“

Mr. Stark seemed almost amused, a shocking contrast to his previous anger, as he held up a hand to stop Ned. Ned fell silent immediately which didn’t surprise Peter at all. Mr. Stark had the incredible ability to silence just about anyone. “I can see what Peter sees in you. You’re very similar. But you don’t need to worry, I lost my temper a little and I shouldn’t have. It’s not going to happen again and no one is going to get hurt, physically or otherwise. We’re just going to have a talk, just like Barnes said. And after it’s all cleared up, I’ll call Happy to come get you and take you back to the city. So don’t worry about any of that boring adult stuff – explore the lab and have some fun. Try to hack my new phone, stay out of trouble. Stay away from the Avengers’ stuff. You know, normal kids’ stuff.”

Peter would have said that hacking phones and being warned off weapons were pretty far from normal kids’ things but Mr. Stark was already turning away to head back downstairs. “And I meant it about the door staying open!” He called over his shoulder and Peter instantly felt less bad about leaving him to deal with the other Avengers. Mr. Stark was obviously not feeling that badly, if he could make ridiculous comments like that.

Once Mr. Stark’s head had disappeared down the stairs, Peter turned towards Ned. “I’m sorry I got you into all this.” He whispered. Their first date as free men and Spider-Man had gone and mucked it all up. Sure, the Avengers had definitely helped derail everything, but despite Mr. Stark’s claims about none of being Peter’s felt, nothing like this would have happened had Peter not acted out.

Ned, who seemed to have calmed down quite a bit once Mr. Stark left, gave him an incredulous look. “Are you kidding? Babe, I got to meet the Avengers!” His voice was barely above a whisper, but Peter could hear the absolute glee in it and couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. Trust Ned to find himself in a bad situation and focus only on the good. Peter hoped that never changed. “I mean, sure, I didn’t really want to be basically kidnapped, but if someone’s going to do it why not the Avengers? And I get to see Mr. Stark’s part of the Compound before my mom kills me!” With that cheerful thought, Ned turned around to take in Mr. Stark’s expansive living room. Peter couldn’t help but smile at the bright look on his boyfriend’s face. He seemed legitimately keen at being at the Compound, despite the way they got there.

Ned wasn’t upset about their date being hijacked. Mr. Stark was handling the Avengers and his secret identity problem. He had a few hours before he would be back in the city and stuck giving a full account to his aunt. And he was finally going to be able to show Ned around the private part of the Compound.

Perhaps their day wasn’t completely shot, after all. They could definitely make this work.

“Come on,” Peter told Ned, stepping forward to gently take hold of the other boy’s hand. “Let’s get some food before I give you the tour. Mr. Stark forgets to eat all the time, but he’s crazy strict about making sure other people in his house eat.” Ms. Potts had once confided in him that one of the reasons she liked seeing him over on the research weekends was that it forced Mr. Stark to take breaks and actually eat during his work under the guise of feeding Peter. It had been one of the first private conversations he’d had with her, and although it had been a little odd to be thanked for being a terrible enough cook that Mr. Stark didn’t trust him by himself in the kitchen, it had warmed him up inside.

"How would he even know?” Ned asked as he willingly followed Peter into the kitchen.

“Oh, he’s definitely got F.R.I.D.A.Y. looking after us. She’ll report anything we do that’s against Mr. Stark’s rules, isn’t that right F.R.I.?” Peter raised his voice up at the last question and was rewarded with Ned’s jump of surprise when F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s pleasant Irish voice responded.

“Of course, Peter. Boss set up the Babysitting Protocol shortly after your call.”

“That’s so cool,” Ned breathed, looking up at the ceiling instinctively. It wasn’t like he hadn’t heard her voice before, but Peter had to admit there was something mind-blowing about hearing her talk in the apartment for the first time. He himself had been totally awestruck as well.

“Also humiliating,” Peter couldn’t help but add as he pushed his shoulder lightly against Ned’s to get the other boy moving again. Ned just grinned at him.

“Not like it’s not merited.” Peter thought Ned looked far too proud of that and he made a show of rolling his eyes as he passed Ned to continue heading into the kitchen. As they were still holding hands, he dragged Ned along with him. “What are all things do you think we’d get told on for?” Ned continued, a carefully constructed air of innocence around his words. Peter refused to rise to his bait, but dear, kind, foolish F.R.I.D.A.Y. couldn’t resist answering a question. Had Peter expected to bring Ned over today, he definitely would have warned F.R.I.D.A.Y. Yet another thing he could blame Ms. Romanov and the others for.

“Boss has instructed me to inform him if you do not eat anything, if you enter his private lab without his presence, if you are both present in Peter’s bedroom with the door closed, and if there are any small-mid-or high level emergencies, such as injury or explosions.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. explained cheerfully as Peter reached the fridge and pulled out several containers of left-over takeout, determined to ignore the grin blossoming on his boyfriend’s face.

“So nothing about if we are in the general lab with the door closed?” Ned asked, his voice far too innocent sounding to mean anything but trouble.

“No, laboratory protocol states that the doors of the lab should remain closed during work, in case anything goes wrong that needs to be contained.” F.R.I.D.A.Y. answered, wonderfully ignorant to Ned’s actual questioning.

“Absolutely not.” Peter said, sensing Ned’s eyes on his back as he took a careful sniff of the food. Judging it safe and determined not to meet Ned’s gaze, Peter turned to root out two bowls from the cupboard.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!” Ned retorted, his amusement clear despite his attempts to sound upset. Peter turned briefly to give him a knowing look.

“I’m not making out with you in Mr. Stark’s lab.” He told him. Then he turned back to their bowls and began to dish out chicken curry into both.

“I resent that implication!” Ned said, taking one of the bowls to put in the microwave. “I was not going to suggest that!”

“Liar,” Peter told him, turning to lean against the counter while they waited for the food to heat up. Ned tried for an outraged expression but gave up halfway through, opting to grin mischievously instead.

“It’d be kind of fun.” He said, moving forward to wrap his arms around Peter’s waist.

“Absolutely not. I work here!” Peter blushed lightly at the thought, even as he wrapped his own arms around Ned’s shoulders.

“That makes it more fun!”

"That makes it _worse_!” The thought of Mr. Stark walking in on Peter and Ned was enough to make Peter almost want to swear off kissing for life. They had already been walked in on once that morning, and that was already more than Peter deemed healthy per day. “We need to be on our best behavior. That means no making out in places of work!” He added firmly. He was determined, this time, to actually follow through on it. He was tired of being in a perpetual state of mortification and even though every single other adult in his life had walked on him and Ned in a compromising situation or two, he drew the line at Mr. Stark. Absolutely no way in hell.

Ned, sensing that Peter was being serious about the matter, didn’t press any further. “Cuddling is fine, though?” He sounded hopeful as he gently squeezed Peter’s waist.

"Of course,” Peter responded, deciding not to point out that they were definitely already cuddling as he leaned against the counter. He had planned on ending their would-have-been perfect date cuddling on the couch to Star Wars fan theory videos anyway; he had given up a lot for their date already and he definitely wasn’t going to give up cuddling without a fight.

“I can live with that,” Ned told him, offering him a beatific smile.

“You’d better.” Peter responded fake-sternly as he returned the smile. This hadn’t been how he’d expected the day to go, but for the first time since the Avengers had walked into the Nook, he felt completely at ease. Mr. Stark was handling the mess he’d made of his secret identity and there was no one on earth Peter trusted more to handle his particular brand of superhero mishaps. He was here, in one of his favorite places in the entire world, with his incredibly sweet, albeit mischievous, boyfriend. And, as the microwave’s timer beeped loudly, he had some decent leftover curry to eat his fill of. His day could have definitely gone worse.

Peter’s feeling of contentment continued throughout his and Ned’s meal and all the way down to the lab where several hours flew by in a flurry of showing off the whole area, trying to and eventually succeeding in hacking the new Starkphone, and coming up with more and more ludicrous theories for the most strange things they could find lying about. By the time Mr. Stark had finally come down to let Peter know that his secret was safe for another day and that Happy was on his way to take them back to Queens, Peter had almost forgotten what had brought him and Ned to the Compound in the first place. All his worry had been washed away with every joke, every breathless laugh, and every chaste kiss the two boys had shared in the spotless laboratory.

The day had gone far, far off track and Peter was definitely going to be avoiding every Avenger minus Mr. Stark until the day he died – a goal that would undoubtedly be aided by Mr. Stark’s fierce protection – but he couldn’t help but think it had been a great day. As far from perfect as it was possible to be, but still a good day. Peter knew better, at this point, than to be surprised.

Any day spent with Ned, after all, was a good day.

Even if he would never quite be able to look Ms. Romanov, Captain Rogers or any of the others in the eye.

The universe would just have to try him again a different day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I hope you enjoyed the chapter - I had some difficulty in getting the confrontation quite right and it didn't quite turn out how I first imagined but I hope it was enjoyable anyway. Thank you all for reading! I have one or two more stories planned in this series and I'll try to have the next one as soon as possible!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! I really liked writing this story (am I ever going to stop writing Peter in embarrassing situations? Absolutely not) and I hope you all liked reading it! It's a little shorter than some of my past stories have been but I felt it had reached a good stopping point and the second portion will (hopefully) be up soon! Thanks again!


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